Saturday, December 13, 2008

One of Those Christmas Letters

Most Christmas letters are inoffensive updates from one family to another, giving friends and relatives an annual update.

One of the other sort arrived at my house this year. If you've never gotten one like this, count your blessings. Now, so you can see that there are worse things than root canal surgery, here's that letter (the editor made me change the names).

"Well, another year has gone by, Rudolph has gotten another promotion, and we've moved into a new house. We don't really need five bedrooms and a guest house, but the pool had such a lovely view of Avalon that I simply had to have it.

"We went to Cortina d'Ampezzo as usual this year: I think Aspen is so over-rated. We had a very nice time with Leonardo there: such a charming man, and so dedicated to the environment. Of course, we've long since stopped using those old-fashioned plastic water bottles. I just wish more people would follow Mr. diCaprio's example.

"Ursula has already won the regional high school debate tournament, and is considering whether to accept offers from Yale, Harvard, or La Sorbonne. She has such a difficult decision: whether to pursue her interests in applying quantum principles to molar physics; or continue a promising career in the arts and dance.

"Back home, besides organizing the community food shelf, and chairing the historic preservation committee, I've opened another online business: selling hand-sculpted onyx trivets. Two thousand orders in the first month have certainly kept me busy."

5 comments:

Ryleigh Thorne said...

I'll bet this person has a horrible sex life.

Brian, aka Nanoc, aka Norski said...

Ryleigh Thorne,

I shouldn't be at all surprised.

In fact, it's hard to imagine her really enjoying much of anything. Pity.

EHT NJ said...

I just got the annual letter from my husbands cousin we hardly know and all her letters are like this one. I want to know all is well, everyone is healthy and still have a job. You have to wonder if these people didn't have much growing up or never had anyone notice them and they felt they never measured up.... That's called a "brag letter" Some how this makes them somebody.. what a pity!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I've been the unlucky recipient of such a letter. It's like these types feel like they must constantly prove something to others (and compare themselves to others). I could do without these kind of letters.

Brian, aka Nanoc, aka Norski said...

Everyone,

I've learned that this sort of 'Christmas letter' isn't as rare as it should be.

Thanks, very much, for your comments, and sharing your experiences.

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